I'm like you in a lot of ways. I certainly am much moe introverted when I'm not chemically altered. I used alcohol and coke to "loosen up" which turned into serious abuse and alcoholism. What it really turned into was me ruining nearly every relationship I had and losing a lot of friends over. The friends I had were not exactly healthy either and that was a whole separate issue.
My conclusion is that being the real me, introverted and shy, that really wants the best for myself and others, and genuinely isn't trying to manipulate others for my own gain is liked a lot more than the me that used.
I thought I was the life of the party. Everyone else thought I was an A**H***.