You just described my life. I started drinking in high school, never had much real social contact before that as I was homeschooled by religious parents and very sheltered. Alcohol since then has been my crutch and the only relief from crippling social anxiety. My heart rate goes through the roof, I sweat, I stammer, I lose my train of thoughts. I can't speak in front of people, meeting someone new makes me shaky, nervous, strained. I have anxiety and panic attacks... Alcohol absolutely fixes all of that. I'm tired of having to take a shot before anything scary. I want to be able to face my fears and live like a normal human.