findingmyself4....I could have written the first half of your post. drinking had become my identity as well and when I started on my journey of recovery, I couldn't imagine my life without alcohol....specifically, vodka. I also experienced being what I thought was me being the "life of the party " but I was only fooling myself. I had many blackouts and I am seeing now being sober a short time (102 days) the wreckage I caused, relationships that were ruined and huge amounts of trust that I lost. I thought I was only numbing myself...that I wasn't affecting others, but I was.
you've made a huge step admitting you have a problem with drinking. give yourself a shot at a truly happy life & you will find it, if you seek it. there is alot of support here on this site, I hope you find yourself at home & know that others have been through like experiences and we can all help eachother one day at a time
have you thought about checking out an AA meeting? great support is available out there.