I think I know how you feel. I've always had problems with social anxiety, but I discovered in my teens that alcohol could make me less afraid, which made people like me more. It worked for a few years until I somehow lost my happy medium. Suddenly I had to keep drinking even once I'd gotten to my good level, then the next day I would wake up so embarrassed of the things I'd done. Now I choose to just be shy- it sucks, but at least there's no surprises. Best wishes to you.