Welcome Findingmyself you just admitted you have a problem, asked for help, realized that you make excuses, acknowleged you have short comings, and realized that you have to do this for yourself all at once. WOW. Ithink you are full of determination and really want to do this, and you also have an excellent self awareness. That's already a really excellent start. Read around ask questions and get started. This place is great for support.