Findingmyself4

Hello everyone!

I am new here as I am just realizing I have a problem with drinking alcohol. I have always been unbearably shy and I guess I used alcohol as an excuse to come out of my shell. When I drink I feel like I'm the life of the party and I'm a social butterfly! This was true for a little while until I would wake up in the morning feeling absolutely horrible and embarrassed for some reason but I wouldn't know why. I would always get told by my friends what I had done or said which was never anything good. I would cry all the time when I was drunk for various reason and my friends got so fed up with it that they wouldn't even call me to come out anymore, and at the time I was angry because I thought that they didn't like me anymore.

I have ruined past relationships with my drinking and I am now ruining my current one. I am (or was until the other night) engaged to the low of my life. I always say hurtful things to him when I am drinking, want to have a heart to heart and all conversations go in a continuous loop. I still am not sure what was all said the other night but it resulted in him telling me he didn't think we should be getting married next November as we had planned, I took that as he didn't want to marry me anymore so I gave him my ring back. I learned the next morning he only wanted to wait to get married until we had sorted our problems out but not break up. However now he will not how my ring back until I get myself some help. I am not just choosing sobriety to appease to his wishes but instead using this as a wake up call. I love him and don't want to lose him so I am getting myself some help.

I don't know who I am without alcohol, I have made it my identity. How do I get past my shyness without drinking? I am going to one of his family members weddings this weekend and I have no idea how I am going to cope without drinking and having his family ask me about our marriage plans. Please help I need some advice and words of encouragement!

Thank you!!