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Old 11-07-2012, 08:09 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Maylie
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Please don't second guess yourself, you are doing what needs to be done for you and your children. Your children need to grow up in a stable household and your wife brought chaos and danger to the house. You fought hard in the court system to get everything that you needed in place. If you go back on your decision with the sup. visitation, you might not be able to get it again in future.

I know it is hard to break the picture in your head that she will go back to being the woman you loved. The sad part is, that she is still in denial and is SO far from reaching even the beginning of recovery, nevermind getting to a place where you could be a happy family and where she could contribute to the household and be a good mother. Even more sadly, this day might never come.

A lot of people think that if you take the A and put them close to the children that the A will wake up and realize their kids need them. The truth of the matter is, that is just not true. The addict would have stopped drinking/using a LONG time ago if the children made them realize they should stop their drinking/using. Some parents do use children as motivation to stay sober/clean, but those addicts make that decision on their own, and your wife does not seem to even be able to realize she has a problem, nevermind that she needs to stop for the children. Also keep in mind, that putting her closer to the children could emotionally damage the children forever. Children need stable homes and being around her will just cause them severe emotional harm. Remind yourself that if you felt that she could be a good parent/was safe to be around the kids then you wouldn't have left or fought so hard for sup. visitation.

You have done all the right things. Whether you want to forgive her for what she has done is one thing, but that doesn't mean that you need to let her come back into your lives. Keep working your own program and focusing on yourself and your children. My mom always reminds me that just because you love someone doesn't mean they are good or right for you.

Keep moving forward, you are doing great! The emotions that come with leaving an A and with setting boundaries are extremely hard to deal with, but the more we work on ourselves the easier these emotions become to handle and work through.

hugs

Maylie
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