dont worry about what your doing, what your feeling and what others may think. you made the best decision for you, your children and for her. i know because im in almost the same boat and we will feel every emotion and sometimes all at once and will will hope and pray and thats ok!! i too struggled with letting my control of the situation go and thats ok if you are too! she may be getting worse as alcoholism gets worse but believe me if you left its because youve tried everything else you can think of first....so really if this is what you had to do to protect and fix your family then this is what you had to do. i left my ah 6 days ago...i count the days (its interesting that i do) but that is me being hopeful.
Let your wife think to herself and be there for herself and if god hoping she will think and be there for her recovery.
try not to feel guilty for the decision youve made, i know it hard because my ah the first few days was quacking at me as your wife is doing to you. my ah called me numerous times from sad, to hurt and all the way to angry leaving voicemails. i ignored them when i knew he had been drinking and im not going to listen to drunk nonsense.
just because you are not there with her doesnt mean you have any less control as you did being there....after all you truly had no control. control with your alcholic loved one is an illusion being that they must want it for themselves and will hide lie and deceive you to get it.
my ah too has done hurtful and in normal circumstances even unforgiving things but i forgave him as you have your wife (and that is healthy) because your wife is not herself as long as she is using. it is not a fantasy to hold onto the woman you love and the mother of your children...i have hope for my ah and i hold onto him.
your wife is sick but if she chooses not to be ...she will recover.