My confusion and turmoil lessoned once I started paying attention to my gut feelings and accepting the reality of the situation.
I would like to figure out how to build trust again, even though he's not trustworthy.
That isn't really possible. He is not trustworthy so you don't trust him. To try and figure out otherwise is denial and wishful thinking. The reality is he is not trustworthy. How do I live with someone I can't trust? Do I live with someone I can't trust? Those are big big questions but they will create less confusion because they are reality based.
Anyone have any thoughts about trusting an alcoholic?
Yes - it isn't safe for your spiritual and emotional well being and sometimes it isn't safe for your physical well being. Trusting an alcoholic is denying reality.
I had this lightbulb moment where I realized that he was who he was, and that if I didn't like it.....well, then I had to think about what my options were.
That is very good work. Just don't let denial and wishful thinking be an option.
Originally Posted by
constellation 
Well, maybe the right word is acceptance? I'm wondering that if I accept his disease, then maybe I won't feel so put off by it as I am now? I just feel like so much emotional abuse has accumulated and I feel like I have to protect myself from him. I guess I want to be able to say, "It's part of the disease." or, maybe that's me making excuses for him?
It is part of the disease but that doesn't mean you don't protect yourself from it.
Accepting that someone is who they are and the realities of alcoholism is different that making all that it means acceptable to you and acceptable in your life.
Once I finally teased those two things apart, my confusion began to clear. Create boundaries and accpetable standards for
yourself and work outwards. I was trying to start with him and work inwards and it was making me crazy.