Originally Posted by
onlythetruth 
After 25 years I wouldn't be overly worried about him drinking again. Frankly at a certain point I think worries about relapse often serve as a distraction from actual, present day issues....it's almost as if it's easier to talk about fears of relapse than it is to talk about what's REALLY going on.
And it seems to me that what's really going on here has nothing to do with drinking and not, in truth, a whole lot about betting. It's about the sense you have that he's keeping something from you, that he won't talk to you about it and this is part of a long-term pattern of keeping you at arm's length. That's what I'd want to talk to him about, and I would absolutely not frame the discussion as being about his "recovery".
ONLY, thank you for your reply. I had thought when I first found out about him being in recovery that 25 years seemed like a pretty safe bet that he wouldn't relapse...in truth, on our first date he kept giving me margaritas...LOL (but he had ulterior motives with THAT). He told me maybe last year that he still craves a drink almost every day, and the one time I had some wine at his house it made him very uncomfortable.
But I more worry because it seems to me - looking at pics of him before he quit and after - that he replaced drinking with eating...so I wonder, is he REALLY recovering? I guess I'm worried that the betting might progress, and I also wonder, what's going on with him that has made him "act out" this way? I do know that the 3 serious girlfriends he's had before me (and they span like 40 years - only one when he was sober. One he attributes to him GETTING sober - as she left him) all abandoned him and I wonder if our relationship troubles aren't connected to his emotional issues.
I really want to talk to him about going to counseling...I have NEVER said to him, "Oh, you act this way because you are in recovery." I actually really admire the strength and pure determination he has when he sets his mind on something. I think he just doesn't trust me yet...and I'm worried that maybe he CAN'T trust women, at least not as romantic partners. He has some friends at school that are long-time friends who are women.