Hi Jennifer1970,
Thanks for sharing. I would say...TRUST your instinct, TRUST yourself. I left my XABF two weeks ago and we had been together for three years. You know that after all this time, there are patterns that you catch onto. Alcoholics tend to be pretty predictable. It's a vicious cycle. Back in August, my intuition told me my ex had relapsed, had drank on more than one occasion, but each time he managed to explain his way out of it or just say he was feeling down and frustrated so I continued to ignore all the red flags because I myself was in denial. I wanted so badly to believe him. I didn't want to admit there was a problem. I wanted to believe he was still sober and we were still the same happy couple, but it was not true and eventually the truth caught up to the both of us. By the time I realized my hunch was right, the damage had been done. All I could do was walk away and be thankful that it could've been worse.
I should have known. He was back to isolating himself, being secretive, not being talkative, and he conveniently had an explanation for everything...I should have trusted myself, but I decided to trust him and his lies instead. I'm not saying your man is guilty and I certainly wish I could tell you how to engage with them when they are being that way, but I am saying I guess to trust your instincts. Go to Al-Anon. Read on SR. You'll find your answer and hopefully inner peace. If the alcoholic doesn't want to be honest then there is no force in the world that can make them be honest. No ultimatum or threat will make the truth come out. All we can really do is focus on us. All we can do is face our own truths.