The name "leftover" is not a reflection on any personal opinion of myself. Although after choosing it, i've thought it comical and sad at how appropriate it fits right now. I am going to Alanon, but find it difficult to explain what has been happening. Honestly, they don't want to hear me go on and on. I do know there is not one thing I can do, but I believe he and his wife expect that I will be involved in the insanity. She has told me she will just call when he is dead. That he has an illness and if I don't want to help him when he's ill.....then that is just my choice. I will have to live with it. That is my choice and it is extremely difficult one to make. The best part of me wants to be there for him when times are bad and he is suffering, but the wise part of me knows that will do him no good. With each of those decisions, a little chip breaks from my heart. I'm trying my best to take care of me...reading Alanon literature, going to meetings, talking to all of you on this site. It still hurts to watch him kill himself.