It's coming
As the weeks go by, his distance and that of his family, tell me he is spiraling downward. After so many years of alcohol abuse, I think the end is approaching. He seems to be leaving subtle signs that he has given up. The addiction is definitely in the driver's seat and he's along for the death ride. I have little contact with his wife because have asked to be spared the details of his craziness. I have so much anxiety bottled up. I need to tell my stories to someone. I need to tell how i've been hurt by him and his wife. How i feel i've hurt him. I need to get it off my chest and out of my mind. do I know they are hurting too? Of course, but in order for me to live and sane life, I had to detach. There was no help I could offer that would really help them. The guilt and pain I feel still overpowers me at times. I'm not young and through experiences i've had, can usually predict the next " event". So afraid i'll be burying him soon. I'm imagining how i'll react when i'm told the horrific news. Will I cry, or will I nod in acceptance, knowing this day would come. I feel, each day he is "out there", is just one step closer to the end result of this disease. Watching my loved one die one day at a time is unbearable.