So Lost
I am new to this site and joined because of my husband and being unsure of what to do after thinking I could fix this myself time and time again over 12 years.
When we 1st got together we both liked to party and have fun, that was 12 years ago when I was 21. So much has happened since then, so many "I am leaving you" conversations. Now I just dont know what to do. I have seen this man in the hospital because he smashed his face on a curb drunk wandering out of a concert we attended. He lost two teeth that night and and needed stitches. He drank and did drugs during my pregnancy while I begged him to stop because we had a baby on the way. I would wake up in the middle of the night and he would be gone. I would call him and he would be at the bar. Right after I gave birth I found out he was trying to cheat on me. He has drank at work on lunchbreaks without my knowing until things got too out of control. He would lie and say he just had a beer with a friend when I would smell beer on his breath. I eventually found out how much he was drinking when after awhile he wouldnt some come until 12am or later on days I was working from home with our son. He would eventually roll in wasted while I sat at home calling him non-stop wondering where he was and if he was okay. These are just a few examples.
When things finally hit an all-time low, he would stop and not drink for awhile and then always eventually go back. I kept saying "this time would be different". I myself like to have a few drinks but never get crazy. I keep thinking this time he will be able to just have a few and be fine. At 1st it always is and then after time, the old raging drunk come back.
We have hit that low again. On Halloween we had 2 friends over. He took off with one of them for cigarettes and came back hours later, completely wasted, never answering phone calls or tects. He came home and passed out after 20 mins. The next day I had to work from home. Little did I know he was drinking throughout the day. He said he was going to drop a friend off somewhere around 3pm and never came home until 5am this morning. I called and texted non-stop. He said I was an overpowering bitch and selfish. I just wanted him to come home and spend time with his family. I woke up constantly throughout the night looking for our car. When I heard the door slam at 5am I was relieved he was alive. He passed out on the couch drunk and brought a friend with him. I left for work with our son and took him to daycare, shaking. I was so upset. I guess they got up and drank and drove to the city to work. My husband left work and drank at the bar from 12-4pm. When I met him to bring him home he was wasted. I cried all day at work. I dont know what to. I found out he hit a car last night. He could have killed someone. What is wrong with him???? Why wont he stop??? What does it take??
He blames me. Saying I am selfish and an enabler because sometimes yes, I want to have a couple of beers with friends. I just want to be a normal couple. I guess I have no right to drink because he is the way he is. I suppose that is what you do when you love someone and dont want them to drink.
Inside I am so tired. I am so embarrassed. I dont want family to know it is happening again. I am looking into rehab for him. I dont know what else to do. I feel so lost and alone.