Dear Linda,
I can really identify with the way that you feel better when you find yourself in a position of stress. I am the same. I think that an all-consuming crisis takes the place af any depression or pain. If it's not one damn thing it's another, eh?
I used to use alcohol to lower stress levels so that I could cope. I find that my relationship with my Higher Power takes the place of my previous Higher Power: alcohol.
My hat's off to you for staying sober for 8 years without the help of AA. How do you do it? Please, forgive me, but I would like to know more about your 2-year experience in AA. Did you work through the steps with a sponsor? Did you have a spiritual awakening?
I have done these things and I am 8 years sober. I keep working the AA programme and try to maintain a fit spiritual condition. It works for me, even though I have been taking lithium for bipolar disorder for 33 years. I was recently offered wellbutrin, for depression, by a psychiatrist. I came up with exercise as an alternative. I hear you say that exercise is not an option for you. Nevertheless, there are options other than more meds. AA helps me enormously.
Please don't take offence at this: Your posts read like the people who, you say, shared at the AA meetings that you didn't like. Could it be that you were identifying with them and not listening as closely to those who carried a positive message?
I would be lost without the AA programme. It keeps me grounded in my truth. And, truth be told, I am a little depressed at the moment. Maybe that's because I stopped exercising as much?
~dox