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depression after long term alc recovery?

Old 10-02-2012, 02:18 AM
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Unhappy depression after long term alc recovery?

I entered an inpatient treatment program for alcoholism on April fools day of 2001, and have been sober since. I followed the AA program for almost 2 years before I got preg with my twins. I had chronic all over pain before I quit drinking, and I was treating it with the alcohol. The pain has not stopped and has only gotten worse, especially about 2 years after the twins were born. I think caring for them full time took my mind off the pain. I am on an antidepressant (Wellbutrin), and Neurontin, a thyroid medication, and a blood pressure med for my chronic migraines, and 10mg of Vicodin 3 times a day. I am using my vicodin properly, and some days I only take 2 instead of the 3 I am allowed.
But I dont know that my pain is the biggest problem, Right now it is the depression. It has gotten worse and worse since I quit drinking. I really thought that 10 years after quitting, I would feel better. My husband and I used to be really close, but now I cant fall asleep, and hurt all the time. My headaches never stop. I have made great progress in tapering down my pain meds... My rhuematologist had me on tramadol 2 tabs 3 times a day, and the vicodin 10 mg 1 tab 2 x day, and the neurontin and zanaflex, plus the wellbutrin and the thyroid med. I am on disability due to pain, fibromyalgia, migraines, IBS, arthritis in my hands and neck... and more.

I have zero energy most of the time, my libido is gone, and my husband thinks I dont like him anymore. I dont understand how people can go from drinking like crazy to having energy and being happy, and sleeping normally, and holding down a job. My pain has gotten so bad since I quit, I have been patiently waiting for it to get better, but I guess I need to be re-evaluated... again, for the um-teenth time. I feel like I am annoying my doctor and I dont really know what she can do...

Any advice on depression after quitting drinking. Should it get better on its own, or is it likely to get worse? or am I destined to be unhappy and full of anxiety and sadness all the time?

Oh... and probably what has put me over the top is my son turned 21 on Sept 10th and then on the 17th he left for the Army. I havent talked to him in a week, and am tearing up just writing about him being gone. I was having pretty nasty depression symptoms before he left and now, I just want to feel the way I used to before my son left and before my husband and I drifted apart. I have a 13 yr old daughter and 9 yr old identical twin girls. I cannot do what I used to for them.

I am going to sched and apt with my doc hopefully she can see me by friday. Until then, I hope to hear from some of you. Maybey you have some suggestions on how to cope. Exercise is not a option, it makes everything so much worse. Right now, am just trying to smile instead of scowl, and think about how I say something before I say it. Alot of what I do makes my family feel bad, and my intention is not to hurt anyones feelings, but it happens...

I think I rambled enough, sorry if I jumped all over the place. I hope you can make sense of this.

Thanks in advance, Linda
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:25 AM
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Hi Linda, welcome to SR.

First of all... congratulations on being sober for 10 years - what an amazing achievement! I really hope you are very proud of yourself for that, because you should be.

I really feel for you with regards to the depression. I have had many severe bouts of depression where I have not left the house for weeks on end, and my relationship with my husband really deteriorated during those times. I wish I could tell you how I cured it, but I honestly don't know. What I do know, is that it takes baby steps to get there. It starts very, very small. For example, taking a shower when you really can't face the thought of it, or even if that's too much... just washing your face. Every day try to do something that you can't face the thought of doing.

I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:46 AM
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Yes welcome and good work. I am blessed with chronic depression among other things. Just posting on SR really helps me for some reason I don't feel so alone.
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Old 10-02-2012, 03:57 AM
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Hi Linda,
I'm so sorry to hear of your pain and depression. I think you are incredibly brave having remained sober all these years.
I also suffer from severe depression, and it is my biggest trigger for relapse. I too found that stopping drinking did not take my depression away. I joined AA in 2000, and stayed sober for 6 1/2 years, but although most people in AA assured me my depression would get better, it didnt.
I have tried many different antidepressants, including Wellbutrin. That actually made the depression much worse. The only type that work for me are those in the 'atypical' class. I won't recommend a specific one as we are not allowed to suggest medication on this site. But you might ask your doctor about changing your medication.
Yes, it is good to stay active as possible, as depression makes us want to roll into a ball and isolate, at least it does with me. There are days when it is so excrutiating that I can't even get out of bed.
I have heard that depression is very linked to physical pain. Have you been to a pain clinic? Acupuncture helped me tremendously when i had a very painful hip caused by bursitis.
Anyway, I do hope you get some relief soon.
All the best, Sally
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Old 10-02-2012, 06:13 AM
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linda301:

Congratulations on ten years but...ten years of untreated depression is enough! Abstaining from alcohol is a wonderful thing, but it does not necessarily get rid of depression--or anxiety, either (my continuing issue is GAD, which is treated with an SSRI).

I'm so glad to hear you've made an appointment with a doctor. That's the first step. Let us know how you are doing.
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:24 AM
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I went thru a period of deep depression at about 9 yrs sober. My wife left me dog died and my parents died. This happend in about 6 mos.
I went to a lot of AA but this did not help, I did not want to drink but putting a gun in my mouth seemed like a good idea!? My Stinkin thikin really returned.
I finally listened to some instruction and found a doctor that was familiar with alcoholism and the long term mental effects, after lots of therapy and some medication I have been able to cope with life on life's terms.

I continue to be sober 9 years later. Today I can say I am Happy Joyous & Free. Which all is I wanted when I got sober. I continue to practice the principle of AA and attend the fellowship. There is nothing more freeing than 1 alcoholic sharing experience, strength, and hope with another.
I hope you find the solution and I will keep you in prayer.
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Old 10-02-2012, 07:54 AM
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First of all Linda, welcome to SR and Congrats on 10 years sober!

I'm so sorry for the pain you're in, both physically and mentally. The medical problems you have alone sure can't help with depression.

I don't have much personal experience but I understand there are some alternative type treatments for fibromyalgia. May be you could find something that would help? Of course that takes a lot of time and patience. Not easy.

Is it time to find a new doctor to reassess your diagnosis? Look at new treatment options? Re-evaluate meds?

I do have experience with depression and I would say it sounds like those meds need to be re-evaluated too. There were many times a certain med would work for a while and then stop so I'd have to switch. It's pretty common actually.

Also, you mentioned you followed the AA program for the first 2 years. Is it time to add that back into your life? How were those two years? Better than now? May be something is missing.

Keep coming here and read and post and make some friends. We're all here for you.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by linda301 View Post
I entered an inpatient treatment program for alcoholism on April fools day of 2001, and have been sober since. I followed the AA program for almost 2 years before I got preg with my twins. I had chronic all over pain before I quit drinking, and I was treating it with the alcohol. The pain has not stopped and has only gotten worse, especially about 2 years after the twins were born. I think caring for them full time took my mind off the pain. I am on an antidepressant (Wellbutrin), and Neurontin, a thyroid medication, and a blood pressure med for my chronic migraines, and 10mg of Vicodin 3 times a day. I am using my vicodin properly, and some days I only take 2 instead of the 3 I am allowed.
But I dont know that my pain is the biggest problem, Right now it is the depression. It has gotten worse and worse since I quit drinking. I really thought that 10 years after quitting, I would feel better. My husband and I used to be really close, but now I cant fall asleep, and hurt all the time. My headaches never stop. I have made great progress in tapering down my pain meds... My rhuematologist had me on tramadol 2 tabs 3 times a day, and the vicodin 10 mg 1 tab 2 x day, and the neurontin and zanaflex, plus the wellbutrin and the thyroid med. I am on disability due to pain, fibromyalgia, migraines, IBS, arthritis in my hands and neck... and more.

I have zero energy most of the time, my libido is gone, and my husband thinks I dont like him anymore. I dont understand how people can go from drinking like crazy to having energy and being happy, and sleeping normally, and holding down a job. My pain has gotten so bad since I quit, I have been patiently waiting for it to get better, but I guess I need to be re-evaluated... again, for the um-teenth time. I feel like I am annoying my doctor and I dont really know what she can do...

Any advice on depression after quitting drinking. Should it get better on its own, or is it likely to get worse? or am I destined to be unhappy and full of anxiety and sadness all the time?

Oh... and probably what has put me over the top is my son turned 21 on Sept 10th and then on the 17th he left for the Army. I havent talked to him in a week, and am tearing up just writing about him being gone. I was having pretty nasty depression symptoms before he left and now, I just want to feel the way I used to before my son left and before my husband and I drifted apart. I have a 13 yr old daughter and 9 yr old identical twin girls. I cannot do what I used to for them.

I am going to sched and apt with my doc hopefully she can see me by friday. Until then, I hope to hear from some of you. Maybey you have some suggestions on how to cope. Exercise is not a option, it makes everything so much worse. Right now, am just trying to smile instead of scowl, and think about how I say something before I say it. Alot of what I do makes my family feel bad, and my intention is not to hurt anyones feelings, but it happens...

I think I rambled enough, sorry if I jumped all over the place. I hope you can make sense of this.

Thanks in advance, Linda
Why did you stop attending your AA meetings, Linda ?

I find sobriety, sanity and serenity in my regular attendance.


All the best.

Bob R
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Old 10-02-2012, 06:38 PM
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I removed some posts, under rule 4, that were better dealt with via PM rather than on this thread.
__________________________________________________ _


Welcome to SR Linda - Congratulations on your sober time

I think a lot of us find we're depressed when we finally stop drinking..for some that gets better very quickly...

or others it becomes apparent the depression was always there (or at least there a long time) and the drink was probably masking it.

No one should ever get sober to remain unhappy, in my opinion

I found I needed to deal with both my alcoholism and my depression.
A good counsellor helped me.

I think for you going back to your Dr would be a great initial step

This community helped me a lot too with advice support and encouragement - it's great you've joined us

D

Last edited by Dee74; 10-02-2012 at 06:59 PM.
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Old 10-03-2012, 02:24 AM
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I hoped that getting sober/clean would solve everything in my life. It didn't, but it did give me more freedom to address things in my life effectively.

I thought that working a recovery program would solve everything in my life, after all I was CHANGING my approach to things. It didn't.

I'll be honest, I felt cheated. I asked myself "why did I bother?". I was asking myself this just last week when some old mental health bugaboos began to surface again.

I felt like life and the Universe should reward me for not getting drunk and wasted all the time. As if drunk and wasted are default human settings and I was some martyr to have given that up. Hmmm...

Getting drunk and wasted made my life worse. And when I take drugs and booze out of the picture automatically some issues in my life improve, but not all issues. Even working a solid recovery program doesn't make life's challenges go away.

That is the truth I am facing head on these days. It's felt overwhelming. I remember why I drank and used in the first place, because I didn't want to feel and experience the things I am feeling and experiencing now. But I know that on some level this is my opportunity to choose to act differently this time. Same situation, different choices and see what the results are.

Alcohol and street drugs are not the only ones that can do not so good things to our bodies. You have quite a cocktail of chemicals that your body is dealing with. I echo the suggestions above that you sit down with a dr and lay out all the issues and meds and see if it's time to come up with a new game plan. I would also do this with a psychiatrist. Sometimes Dr's that do not specialize in psychiatry are not aware of how other drugs or drug combinations effect mental health issues.

This will not make all of life's challenges disappear either, but it might address some of the issues you are dealing with more effectively.

You have a lot on your plate, and I understand how difficult it can be to push through that. I have been dealing with a number of the same issues in the last few years.

you might want to check out the mental health section of these forums, and talk to others who are dealing with similar issues. Even read some old threads there.

I am so sorry that you are going through all this.
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Old 10-03-2012, 02:36 PM
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I removed more posts that ignored our Rule 10 on med advice

Here is the SR Rule....

10. Medical Advice: No Posts giving medical advice, medication advice, or psychiatric advice. Do not use the forum to give or ask for professional medical or psychiatric advice. If you are a medical professional, please remember the forums and chat are for peer support only and not to be used for distributing professional medical advice and/or using the forum to represent your professional services. Medical and Psychiatric advice includes giving a diagnosis, treatment plan, medication advice and dosage suggestions, over the counter and natural home remedies that should be approved by medical professionals. Detox can be dangerous and life threatening at times. Please consult with your physician.

I understand that all who shared are well meaning and trying to
give information that might or might not be suitable.

however what happened to you and how you overcame it may
well keep someone else from seeking professional assistance.


Thanks for honoring our posting rules in your future shareing.
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Old 10-03-2012, 02:44 PM
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Linda...Welcome...

I think your idea of consulting again with a doctor is the
way to move forward.
That is what I did when health issues popped up after my
AA recovery years...

Good to know your sobriety continues despite such challenges


Sorry to know of these difficulties..prayers for healing
Blessings to you and your family.
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Old 11-01-2012, 01:11 AM
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thank you and update.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts... I did not realize that it has been almost a month since I posted with my question. I thought it had only been about a week. Since then I am feeling better. I found out my husband had been messaging an ex girlfriend who he was going to ask to marry him 25 yrs ago. They reconnected at my husbands best friends, kids bday party. She and my husbands friend are siblings. I was not at the party and was aware that they visited and talked for a long time that night. Anyhow, he was behaving oddly while on facebook and so after he went to bed I checked his messages only to find that they were not doing anything wrong yet, but were definately inappropriate with their conversation. I decided to trust my husband, that he would put an end to it soon... But two nights later she sent him a picture that was way out of line! I woke him at 3 30am, told him that he should go see her and get it out of his system, then find a place to stay for a while. He did not have a good day. That night I let him stay at home and he apologized and said he did not know why he was behaving that way. Over the weekend we talked and are reconnecting. I may be in "keep my man away from the ex" mode, but it is working for me. Even though I thought we were drifting too far apart I think this crisis brought me back into the relationship which is where he wanted me all along. I always seem to feel better when I am in a position where I am stressed. But if it lasts too long then I end up worse... Do you know what I mean? It's kinda hard to explain... Maybey fight or flight is better. Once the problem is calming then it hits me. As long as I know it is coming I do ok, but when it sneaks up, like my moms passing, then I crash.

I did not get in with my doc yet, but have an appoint already set up for late November. I am glad that my bday just happened because it was the bday message from SR that reminded me to check in here.

I stopped going to the AA meetings for a few reasons. I went to several different groups, and all of them seemed to be full of complaining about life in general. They were not positive for me. It started to feel like a hassle and would leave me anxious every time I thought of going to one.

I think a huge part of what I was dealing with when I contacted the group was that the anniversary of my mom's death was Oct 1st. The day before I posted. A few days later I realized this. This happens every year. She passed 6 mos to the day after I got sober... I need to put it on the calendar so that I have a reminder to take better care of myself.

I absolutely think some changes have to happen... I did the psyciatrist thing and was put on some meds that tanked my already weak thyroid. He dxd me as bipolar and my body could not handle the treatment... I have complete faith in the doc I have now. She is a jack of all trades and if she is questioning something she will pull out her cell phone and call a specialist during our appointment.

Again thanks everyone, and I will keep you updated.

Linda
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Old 11-01-2012, 03:54 AM
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Dear Linda,

I can really identify with the way that you feel better when you find yourself in a position of stress. I am the same. I think that an all-consuming crisis takes the place af any depression or pain. If it's not one damn thing it's another, eh?

I used to use alcohol to lower stress levels so that I could cope. I find that my relationship with my Higher Power takes the place of my previous Higher Power: alcohol.

My hat's off to you for staying sober for 8 years without the help of AA. How do you do it? Please, forgive me, but I would like to know more about your 2-year experience in AA. Did you work through the steps with a sponsor? Did you have a spiritual awakening?

I have done these things and I am 8 years sober. I keep working the AA programme and try to maintain a fit spiritual condition. It works for me, even though I have been taking lithium for bipolar disorder for 33 years. I was recently offered wellbutrin, for depression, by a psychiatrist. I came up with exercise as an alternative. I hear you say that exercise is not an option for you. Nevertheless, there are options other than more meds. AA helps me enormously.

Please don't take offence at this: Your posts read like the people who, you say, shared at the AA meetings that you didn't like. Could it be that you were identifying with them and not listening as closely to those who carried a positive message?

I would be lost without the AA programme. It keeps me grounded in my truth. And, truth be told, I am a little depressed at the moment. Maybe that's because I stopped exercising as much?

~dox
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Old 11-01-2012, 06:02 AM
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Linda:

I'm glad to see that you've gained some insight about your depression and found a doctor you trust!
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Old 11-12-2012, 01:31 AM
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dox... I checked myself into a treatment center for 4 weeks of inpatient, then did another 5 months of outpatient. I worked through the steps both during the inpatient and the out patient. I have been in a major depressive state for a few months now. I have periods of clarity where things are good, but I have had a few anniversaries that have taken a toll. I have been on a bit of a griping trend lately, but with the anniversaries of my quit date in April, then the anniversary of my dads passing in June, my moms bday in August, then the anniversary of her passing in Oct, then my own bday later in Oct (40th) with my hubby behaving badly and no party, present or card from him (I did get beautiful handmade cards from my kids and a gift from my in-laws), and then my dads bday 3 days after my own... I think it all built up and overflowed. Anytime something like this happens I talk to my husband, but with the stuff going on with him... that was not really an option and my best friend lives over 6 hours away and is busy, so getting her on the phone when I need to or am available is difficult at best.

Normally I am not so likely to complain, but this year was especially hard. Things are much better between me and my husband, I gave him a print up of all the things he was messaging to the ex girlfriend and he was in tears. He did not realize how bad what he was saying was. He had deleted the messages to hide them from me, but I was able to get into his facebook account and copy them all into a word file and save them before he had a chance to delete anymore of them. He never physically acted on anything, but the flirting and what he was saying was very very emotionally damaging to me. He thought that since it was only in type that no one would get hurt... but once he read through what he wrote it was a completely different story. Anyhow things are better there.

For the last 10 years I have had one crisis after another and never had much of a chance to have any downtime to worry about AA or treatment/support. I dont really have a "higher power" it is more of an attitude that I wont let anything like alcohol take over my life and run me and my family and other people I love into the ground. It is not shear will, but I would explain it as "I am too strong headed and strong willed to not succeed at staying sober". When the stuff hit the fan with my hubby, he was worried that I would end up drinking, but I made it very clear to him that no one would be the cause of me drinking but me. If I were going to go get lit it would be my choice and not "because" of anything he or anyone else did. And that I would not allow myself to throw away almost 13 years of sobriety. I have always talked openly with my husband about my sobriety and any problems I may be having, and I let him know when I am doing good. I also talk with my two older kids about drinking and the dangers of it. I use my own experience with it as a tool to teach them. They are very aware of the risk of alcoholism in my family... most everyone on my side of the family are alcoholics, both my parents, their siblings and my grandparents, my cousins etc. The ones that are not alcoholics are deeply rooted in church and are under the assumption that all alcohol use should be banned and that it is "evil". I have been told that by more than one of them. They actually said that alcohol is evil.

There is no way I would give anyone a reason to say "I told you so". Many people have been worried that I would go back to it, even in treatment the counselors are very adamant that most will use again. My inlaws were scared to have a beer or a glass of wine if I was there. It took me a year to get them to understand that for me seeing a beer or a glass of wine was not going to cause me to drink. That it would be my decision and that they did not have to be so carefull around me. All it did was make me feel like an outsider. That them not behaving normally actually made me uncomfortable. I have proven them wrong and wont let them be proven right. We had a reunion of sorts after I had my twins. I took them in to the center to show them off to my counselors. They were very surprised to see that I was continuing to stay sober. I really dont think they truly thought I would stay in recovery.

I know it is not the way for most people to stay sober, but it works for me. I do not recommend it to anyone. I always say go to meetings, use treatment as a tool and learn everything you can from it, do the steps if you do AA or any other step program. I have even gone with someone to a few meetings, which they decided not to continue. I would have continued to go to help them if they wanted to continue. But they moved to another city and I have not heard from them since. I am guessing they did not continue with the program.
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Old 11-12-2012, 07:00 AM
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Depression is a seperate illness from alcoholism. Just not drinking, 12 steps. or whatever methods you use to treat your alcoholism won't fix it. As others have suggested, you need to talk with your physician.
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Old 11-12-2012, 05:29 PM
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I've battled it myself since quiting drinking. Just when i think i have it beat it creeps back up on me. I liken it to my head getting in the s***house as i put it. I'll get stuck there and wonder how i got to such a LOW POINT again!! I can think of various reasons forgot my vitamin or wtvr but it still happens now and then although incredibly less severe. I too tho got to thinking is this always going to be this way for me? I'm not on meds terrified of the possible side effects and such but again sometimes i think maybe I should just go see a doctor.

Sometimes i wonder if its the whole pesimist or optimist thing some are one way some are the other nothing wrong with that its just how it is. But I keep trying to turn myself into an optimist maybe its just meant to be? But i keep trying anyway maybe I can become an optimist?

Focus on the bright side as best you can that helps me.
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Old 11-12-2012, 05:50 PM
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Hi,
Now I know not everyone believes in this kind of thing but I have had a LONG history of depression and anxiety and insomnia (no chronic pain) and the only things that have helped long term have been natural supplements to restore the nutrients in my body and replenish the "happy chemicals" that get severly depleted in your brain from alochol and presciption drug use (even if the scrips are used properly). If you are interested feel free to message me . All the best to you anyhow!
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