A quick update:
I had my angry, flailing around day yesterday. Still kind of exasperated, but not freaking out.
AH stopped by last night to see the baby and pick up some dress pants for about thirty minutes. Whenever I talk to him he's always emphasizing that he's on his way TO A MEETING. He needs to leave soon because of MY MEETING. Part of me is surprised at how quickly he has adapted to life without me and the kids, especially the kids. He doesn't seem fazed by it, and he doesn't seem to be concerned about how his actions as an active alcoholic contributed to our current state. I shouldn't be surprised, and yet I am.
He also doesn't want to talk about anything that isn't unicorn farts and sunshine. If there's a shade of bad news or seriousness, he's out the door. Fine! Okay then. So I detached while he was there, let him play with the baby and get his things, and just didn't go there. I didn't want to talk about his awesome new job where he'll work with booze and just be extra careful, so there were a lot of "Mm-hms" and "okays." He started to get hostile because I wasn't playing along with the "everything is totally fine" game -- nor was I fighting it -- and then got mad and left.
Fine again! Okay then. Bathtime for the little one and book and tea time for me.
I read Getting Them Sober, Volume Four, last night from cover to cover. It's an amazingly easy read that reinforces a lot of what we talk about here. Be gentle to yourself. Anger is normal and healthy. Detach with love, if not for him, than for yourself. "Let go, or be dragged." There is also quite a bit about custody and visitation at the end that was helpful to round out my idea of what to look for in a lawyer and ask for in court.
My favorite part of the book talked about all the guilt and anxiety we felt about not doing enough for our As, and then realizing that no matter what we did it wouldn't have made a difference. She said it was "pearls before swine." I haven't heard that phrase in a long, long time, but oh, how I chuckled.