I can almost guarantee that you aren't "too damaged", have SO much to offer others & deserve to be happy. Your posts here on SR are intelligent, supportive & helpful & I always enjoy hearing things from your perspective.
Obviously, you have to do whatever is best for you. What if you give yourself a deadline to make a decision & take the time until then to categorize your thoughts? Is this his 1st attempt at sobriety? How long have you been separated? Is he working a program or giving you any reason to expect long-term changes? Is his sobriety as important to him as it is to you?
I agree with Dancing that the only thing that is important is what is best for you & your DD... and maybe that does involve staying long enough to get yourself in a better financial position.... or maybe it means you are done with a capital D and not interested in continuing the charade.... or maybe you really think that in time & with therapy you will be happy in this relationship again?
I'm just shocked at how my brain can grasp and know something, while my heart? inner child? ego? still feels alone and abandoned, and how strong those urges are to alleviate the pain of hurt and abandonment despite knowing quite intimately what the consequences of those actions would be.
I know it's been said, but this is EXACTLY the kind of stuff that EFT tapping helped me to work through. If you haven't given it a shot, & since therapy/Al-Anon can be hard for you, it really might be worth trying.
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OT but a little funny for you: I swear, just
this morning DD came to me & asked, "Mom, what is acceptance?"
Me: Why do you ask? "It's one of my vocabulary words for this week & I am having a hard time understanding it's definition so I'm trying to use it in a sentence. But I'm really just not getting it!"
Me: You aren't the only one, DD!
I had to seriously stop & work at explaining this word because my immediate responses were all A/recovery related & not the kind of stuff I want to encourage her to share in class, lol....... I finally got it through to her in terms of
acceptance speeches made when
accepting an award.
