hopeful123

I have a drinking problem.

I've known this on some level for years, but only really admitted it to myself (and my mom, and my doctor), a few months ago when I finally realized I had to change my relationship with alcohol in order to be happy and productive. Alcohol was ruining everything and I kept hitting new lows.

I quit drinking for about four months, and it felt great. I didn't really miss alcohol and I even went to pubs and parties sober, and genuinely enjoyed myself. After a while, I made the decision to start drinking again, thinking that my relationship with alcohol was different (i.e. normal or healthy) now.
Boy was I wrong... for a few weeks, I drank like a responsible adult and was proud of myself. But I kept having slip-ups, nights where I would have fun, but over-do it and then wake up with a hangover and a feeling of shame. But I always just told myself "next time, I'll be in control, it'll be fine".

Well a couple of nights ago, I went to a party where I didn't know too many people. I was tired, and in the mood to stay in with a book that night, but I went out anyway thinking I should meet new people. I did not decide before leaving the house how much I would drink/how late I would stay, etc.

Anyway, long story short, I had a great time until the very end of the night when I was so drunk I am pretty sure I spilled my drink on the hostess on purpose. To top it off, I then ended up drunk-dialing a nice guy who I was interested in. I'm sure was very fond of me too, but now most likely wants nothing to do with me. I apologized to both victims, the girl ignored me (I can't blame her) and the guy said no problem (but of course he's being polite).

I've had worse nights than this one and done more embarrassing things over the years. But I've been lying in bed for two days just sulking and feeling like such an idiot. I wish I could go back in time and remind myself not to have more than one drink, or better yet to stay home. I just can't get passed this feeling of shame for how stupid I acted, and regret for not making smart choices that night. I feel embarrassed, but mostly I feel angry with myself. I don't know how to forgive myself for doing this to myself (making myself appear foolish, sabotaging my social life, giving myself a terrible hangover, etc.)

I genuinely don't want this to happen ever again. I've tried to drink responsibly, but I have shown myself that I can't be trusted (at least not at this point in my life). I want to go back to being sober and in-control.
Has anyone else felt these feelings of shame and regret when going off the rails, and what did you do to get them out of your head?