I realized within the last year that there will never be any apology for ANYTHING because people don't apologize when they think they've done nothing wrong. That realization was very liberating for me.
Originally Posted by
Justaworkinprog 
I went no contact w him 6 months ago and feels like 10 yrs. Have *lots of guilt, remorse, anxiety about it. I have to really call on my supports when i am self doubting. It s easy to forget why
was a slow decline. We always had a strained relationship although i know deep down he does love me and care. I lived w him briefly as a teen but ran away (i felt crazy there).*In my late 20s, again no contact for his putdowns.
In my 30 s i started to see the drinking...contact declined. *stopped talking to him in the eve due to slurring and his stories repeating. Then fewer phone calls. Noticed on twice a yr visits drinking in the a.m. Visits reduced to just once and i dreaded each. He was ok by email except for a couple times a year i could expect abuse followed by manipulation to get me back.
I got into al anon/coda recovery last year . Started realizing how much i dreaded his visit and told him i was working on me and did nt want to have him stay w me (and apologized if that hurt him but needed to take care of me). He sent me scathing email.*I set him t auto-deleted and only responded a couple times several months later.*
Then my bday came, he called. I didnt call back. Next day he sent me email titled "NOT" about how he was going to send me a gift but decided not to since i didnt return his call.*
In all yrs not one apology about his abuse
I replied that he could shove his abuse up his a## but to never contact me again or i'd change my email. He tried to write immedly "send me my key" (what are we x's? This is a parent?...talk about control and manipulation)
I changed my email.
And i doubt and blame myself daily...that's my sick part