N.c. W dad and feel pain for it
I went no contact w him 6 months ago and feels like 10 yrs. Have *lots of guilt, remorse, anxiety about it. I have to really call on my supports when i am self doubting. It s easy to forget why
was a slow decline. We always had a strained relationship although i know deep down he does love me and care. I lived w him briefly as a teen but ran away (i felt crazy there).*In my late 20s, again no contact for his putdowns.
In my 30 s i started to see the drinking...contact declined. *stopped talking to him in the eve due to slurring and his stories repeating. Then fewer phone calls. Noticed on twice a yr visits drinking in the a.m. Visits reduced to just once and i dreaded each. He was ok by email except for a couple times a year i could expect abuse followed by manipulation to get me back.
I got into al anon/coda recovery last year . Started realizing how much i dreaded his visit and told him i was working on me and did nt want to have him stay w me (and apologized if that hurt him but needed to take care of me). He sent me scathing email.*I set him t auto-deleted and only responded a couple times several months later.*
Then my bday came, he called. I didnt call back. Next day he sent me email titled "NOT" about how he was going to send me a gift but decided not to since i didnt return his call.*
In all yrs not one apology about his abuse
I replied that he could shove his abuse up his a## but to never contact me again or i'd change my email. He tried to write immedly "send me my key" (what are we x's? This is a parent?...talk about control and manipulation)
I changed my email.
And i doubt and blame myself daily...that's my sick part