Tesla, I feel like the only one in a certain situation all the time. Well I FEEL that way, but rationally thinking it just cannot be so.
I can sit here and wish things were all a certain way when the simple fact is...they aren't. It's frustrating, yeah. I wish I had been more responsible. I wish I had gotten the concept of recovery 10 years ago when I was first introduced. I wish people would just trust me. I wish people would view me based on my intentions, not my actions.
Like I said, I could wish and think of the could be and would haves, but it's soooooo counter-productive. Remaining positive in early recovery sure is a chore. It's a nuisance, in fact. I instinctively want to retreat to the pity pot, because it's where I have been for the past 10 years and it's comforting in a twisted way.
I almost feel guilty for not having too many positive things to say at meetings. My mind wants there to be much more wrong than there truly is. Truth is, I have everything I "need" in my life. My wants are another story. God has somehow provided me with food, shelter, even transportation when I in all reality I shouldn't have had it.
If God can provide that all when I could barely even take care of myself, I can only imagine better things coming if I do one simple thing, stay sober and work a program.