Some Careers Do Not Tolerate Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 27
Some Careers Do Not Tolerate Recovery
I guess there are many financially independent alcoholics in recovery who work for fun and therefore can quit and change industries at any time. Not me. In my line of business being in recovery is like having herpes at a nudist colony. If they think you have a weakness and your reliability is anything less than 100%, you are quietly sequestered off. This is all fine of course as the paycheck still arrives, but it makes things MUCH more taxing. To those who say, just quit and get away from these nasty people...please remember that some of us have not only bills, but huge F'd up financials due to our addition and that with the wonderful economy and wealth re-distribution underway we cannot get other work at even NEAR the same pay. Bottom line...being in recovery and having to hide it from EVERYONE makes it much tougher. There are a few lines of work like this (Airlines, Law Enforcement, FAA, Military, etc) and again..yes they have programs and say "super duper for you!!!" but I am in the Board Room and they treat it as the reason to exclude and then they put surveillance on you. I wish I had been better with all the money I earned over the years..oh yeh,,,,I was f"ing wasted and spent it all! Thanks for listening. I feel like the ONLY one in this situation when I post on SR.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
You're not the only one in this situation. Many of us live paycheck to paycheck, including me.
For me, the treatment I got at work, the suspicions, the asking questions, the lack of getting extra responsibilities were due to how I acted when I was not in recovery. When I was actively drinking and my work suffered due to it.
Since I've been sober and in recovery things at work have gotten better. I'm actually a good employee now.
Barley having enough money to feed and clothe my child and to cover my bills stresses me out unbelievably but the cool thing is .... I don't have to drink over it, in fact, if I do it will no doubt make the situation worse.
For me, the treatment I got at work, the suspicions, the asking questions, the lack of getting extra responsibilities were due to how I acted when I was not in recovery. When I was actively drinking and my work suffered due to it.
Since I've been sober and in recovery things at work have gotten better. I'm actually a good employee now.
Barley having enough money to feed and clothe my child and to cover my bills stresses me out unbelievably but the cool thing is .... I don't have to drink over it, in fact, if I do it will no doubt make the situation worse.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Tesla, I feel like the only one in a certain situation all the time. Well I FEEL that way, but rationally thinking it just cannot be so.
I can sit here and wish things were all a certain way when the simple fact is...they aren't. It's frustrating, yeah. I wish I had been more responsible. I wish I had gotten the concept of recovery 10 years ago when I was first introduced. I wish people would just trust me. I wish people would view me based on my intentions, not my actions.
Like I said, I could wish and think of the could be and would haves, but it's soooooo counter-productive. Remaining positive in early recovery sure is a chore. It's a nuisance, in fact. I instinctively want to retreat to the pity pot, because it's where I have been for the past 10 years and it's comforting in a twisted way.
I almost feel guilty for not having too many positive things to say at meetings. My mind wants there to be much more wrong than there truly is. Truth is, I have everything I "need" in my life. My wants are another story. God has somehow provided me with food, shelter, even transportation when I in all reality I shouldn't have had it.
If God can provide that all when I could barely even take care of myself, I can only imagine better things coming if I do one simple thing, stay sober and work a program.
I can sit here and wish things were all a certain way when the simple fact is...they aren't. It's frustrating, yeah. I wish I had been more responsible. I wish I had gotten the concept of recovery 10 years ago when I was first introduced. I wish people would just trust me. I wish people would view me based on my intentions, not my actions.
Like I said, I could wish and think of the could be and would haves, but it's soooooo counter-productive. Remaining positive in early recovery sure is a chore. It's a nuisance, in fact. I instinctively want to retreat to the pity pot, because it's where I have been for the past 10 years and it's comforting in a twisted way.
I almost feel guilty for not having too many positive things to say at meetings. My mind wants there to be much more wrong than there truly is. Truth is, I have everything I "need" in my life. My wants are another story. God has somehow provided me with food, shelter, even transportation when I in all reality I shouldn't have had it.
If God can provide that all when I could barely even take care of myself, I can only imagine better things coming if I do one simple thing, stay sober and work a program.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Hi Tesla
I've never been in big business - I was a musician tho and that was a line of work where drinking was not only encouraged it was almost mandatory.
I made a career change because I didn't want to be dead - then I went back as a sober musician later on, just to prove it could be done
You will actually find many others here well acquainted with the board room - and sober to boot - I sure you'll hear from them
D
I've never been in big business - I was a musician tho and that was a line of work where drinking was not only encouraged it was almost mandatory.
I made a career change because I didn't want to be dead - then I went back as a sober musician later on, just to prove it could be done
You will actually find many others here well acquainted with the board room - and sober to boot - I sure you'll hear from them
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Miami, FL
Posts: 1,701
Are you so sure that you were not "under surveillance" when you were a drunk? Most alcoholics and addicts think they are better at hiding their addiction than they really are.
It is true that you may need to make some changes--at least for awhile. I left a career in publishing and worked in retail for the first 18 months I was in recovery. I could not afford a phone and had my time eaten up traveling a really awful public transportation system. It was humiliating, but then I got better jobs, and finally understood what I wanted from my work. Now I am happier than I was before and making about what I did before.
You got away with a lot while you were drinking (you DID have a weakness and your reliability WAS less than 100%)--so chances are you are ahead of the game. Now you need to get your feet on the ground and learn how to function like a human being. Living on less income is not fun, but it is not the end of the world either. You can get through this, and afterward will probably think of it as a turning point in your life. I think my two years of poverty as the time of my rebirth.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but dealing with the consequences of your alcoholism is an important part your recovery. No one gets off the hook from that.
It is true that you may need to make some changes--at least for awhile. I left a career in publishing and worked in retail for the first 18 months I was in recovery. I could not afford a phone and had my time eaten up traveling a really awful public transportation system. It was humiliating, but then I got better jobs, and finally understood what I wanted from my work. Now I am happier than I was before and making about what I did before.
You got away with a lot while you were drinking (you DID have a weakness and your reliability WAS less than 100%)--so chances are you are ahead of the game. Now you need to get your feet on the ground and learn how to function like a human being. Living on less income is not fun, but it is not the end of the world either. You can get through this, and afterward will probably think of it as a turning point in your life. I think my two years of poverty as the time of my rebirth.
I am sorry if this sounds harsh, but dealing with the consequences of your alcoholism is an important part your recovery. No one gets off the hook from that.
Sober since Jan 1, 2012
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,583
I work for lawyers. I guess I've always hated my job, or have for a long time, and just didn't notice it. My nightly happy hours helped cover that feeling up. Now I'm sober and the realization that I hate my job is at the forefront. I tried to get thru it, make it to one year sobriety before I did anything major - but they made the decision for me. I'm about to be fired, and my only saving grace is a friend in the know who gave me some warning. I dunno, maybe a fresh start is what I need. Anyway, just wanted to let you know I can relate to where you are coming from.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Some good advice here Tesla. I am sorry you are having a bad day.
I know how it feels to have enough, and it is different for each. You don't have enough time or armor without chinks? You don't have enough money? I have enough, and my AW with the same thinks it is not enough. Bigger and better is always worth it to her, but she is getting out of that head with counseling now.
Hope this helps:
WISHING YOU ENOUGH
Recently, I overheard a father & daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left.
He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever???" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing, "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye," I asked. "I am old, and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say 'I wish you enough'." "May I ask what that means???" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment, and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye". He then began to sob and walked away.
I know how it feels to have enough, and it is different for each. You don't have enough time or armor without chinks? You don't have enough money? I have enough, and my AW with the same thinks it is not enough. Bigger and better is always worth it to her, but she is getting out of that head with counseling now.
Hope this helps:
WISHING YOU ENOUGH
Recently, I overheard a father & daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed and she left.
He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever???" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing, "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye," I asked. "I am old, and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead, and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say 'I wish you enough'." "May I ask what that means???" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone."
He paused for a moment, and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me, he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye". He then began to sob and walked away.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Tesla,
There's a book, "Eat People" you might find helpful. it's about innovating. rethinking careers and such. And pretty funny.
My career is not forgiving of alcohol or drug use. You may have to rebuild your credibility and prove yourself. it can be done.
Love from Lenina
There's a book, "Eat People" you might find helpful. it's about innovating. rethinking careers and such. And pretty funny.
My career is not forgiving of alcohol or drug use. You may have to rebuild your credibility and prove yourself. it can be done.
Love from Lenina
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 115
I'm in a similar career and life situation. Failure, or even coming up short, is not an option. Add alcoholism to the list of things that I have to address perfectly. I don't have a solution. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't the only one. Life really isn't fair, but you have to run with the hand you're delt.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Here's some information about that book I mentioned. I enjoyed it and think it might be helpful for you.
Andy Kessler: My new book "Eat People" is out this week
Love from Lenina
Andy Kessler: My new book "Eat People" is out this week
Love from Lenina
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,036
Itchy, great post. Lenina, that book sounds good, I am going to get a copy. I am in education, and cannot and will not share anything about going to meetings, or the fact that I am no longer drinking. I am going to counseling through my insurance, but they will not disclose anything due to privacy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Delilah,
I think you'll enjoy the book. Have you heard of AVRT? you might want to take a look in the secular connections section and read about it. Rational Recovery really helped me a lot. I believe there's some links to the crash course online. It's private and the method doesn't require meetings. I found AA helpful but it really wasn't for me. good program though.
SR is a great place for support.
Let me know how you find the books!
Love from Lenina
I think you'll enjoy the book. Have you heard of AVRT? you might want to take a look in the secular connections section and read about it. Rational Recovery really helped me a lot. I believe there's some links to the crash course online. It's private and the method doesn't require meetings. I found AA helpful but it really wasn't for me. good program though.
SR is a great place for support.
Let me know how you find the books!
Love from Lenina
Ba**ysMama
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Bay Area, CA
Posts: 91
This is very close to home for me, as I am very grateful to work for a company that allowed me to take a month of leave of absence for recovery purposes..even put me in contact with a chaplain.. I am so sorry your company is behaving in this manner, however, you do have legal recourse against them.. as you are protected by the law in these instances
Pure Radio Rental
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Off course, of course.
Posts: 952
I can't give up music, it's not an option.
If I did, that would probably kill me quicker than any drinking streak or binge.
The past 30 days showed me it can be done, like Dee said. It all certainly takes on a different "light" this way, that is for certain.
Tomorrow is a Halloween Party that we play at every year. It will be a test on my strength for sure. But I am determined to win.
I really am enjoying this side of the fence. And I am on this side of the fence because I was starting to hate the other side. I needed the courage to jump over and stay put for a while. I am glad I did. Still here on this side.
And it ain't bad at all, friends. Not after you get past those first few days of hell. I keep saying to myself, if I start up again, inevitably I will be facing those first few days of hell again when I decide to stop. I just don't want to be there.
Shame on me if I put myself in that situation again.
If I did, that would probably kill me quicker than any drinking streak or binge.
The past 30 days showed me it can be done, like Dee said. It all certainly takes on a different "light" this way, that is for certain.
Tomorrow is a Halloween Party that we play at every year. It will be a test on my strength for sure. But I am determined to win.
I really am enjoying this side of the fence. And I am on this side of the fence because I was starting to hate the other side. I needed the courage to jump over and stay put for a while. I am glad I did. Still here on this side.
And it ain't bad at all, friends. Not after you get past those first few days of hell. I keep saying to myself, if I start up again, inevitably I will be facing those first few days of hell again when I decide to stop. I just don't want to be there.
Shame on me if I put myself in that situation again.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I hear your frustration, resentment and even a sense of being trapped in your post.
Your situation is a hard one. We each of us face different challenges in our recoveries, but the truth is that no one has it easy in recovery. It always involves risks, difficulties and losing things we are pretty sure we can't live without.
Most people I've met in recovery have real financial difficulties. But we also know that celebrities, with seemingly unlimited resources who go to posh rehabs...often fail and relapse as well.
I'm not saying this as a "suck it up" response to you, but rather to remind you, me and all of us that recovery is tough. It involves huge change. For many of us, the changes required of us go far beyond giving up booze or drugs. So even if you feel alone in your truly difficult situation, people here DO understand.
Most of us have some real life situations that we feel entraps us in our addiction or hinders us in our recovery. The support we share here helps us face those things.
The kinds of losses and challenges we face aren't easy or fun, I'm not going to lie. I'm also not going to say some irritating inspirational poster type of thing. But it IS true that we can choose to address our addiction now, at the possible risk of losing the respect of some, or a job or financial security...or we can nearly guarantee that we will lose those things and many other things we hold dear to our addiction later on down the line.
Your situation is a hard one. We each of us face different challenges in our recoveries, but the truth is that no one has it easy in recovery. It always involves risks, difficulties and losing things we are pretty sure we can't live without.
Most people I've met in recovery have real financial difficulties. But we also know that celebrities, with seemingly unlimited resources who go to posh rehabs...often fail and relapse as well.
I'm not saying this as a "suck it up" response to you, but rather to remind you, me and all of us that recovery is tough. It involves huge change. For many of us, the changes required of us go far beyond giving up booze or drugs. So even if you feel alone in your truly difficult situation, people here DO understand.
Most of us have some real life situations that we feel entraps us in our addiction or hinders us in our recovery. The support we share here helps us face those things.
The kinds of losses and challenges we face aren't easy or fun, I'm not going to lie. I'm also not going to say some irritating inspirational poster type of thing. But it IS true that we can choose to address our addiction now, at the possible risk of losing the respect of some, or a job or financial security...or we can nearly guarantee that we will lose those things and many other things we hold dear to our addiction later on down the line.
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