mdkathy62

Thank you Florence and Liz for sharing. I can relate to this statement so much. I remember time and time again, sitting down with my now XABF and we make a list of what we didn't like about the other person, what we thought the other person needed to work on, and on and on. We did this SO many times. Each time, I felt the SAME exact way, but I didn't realize it till now. Each time he listed my flaws and what he didn't like about me, I would apologize, internally and verbally tell him ways I could change and each time, he would say 'And I'm trying too' but gave no tangible evidence and sure enough, he didn't really do anything.

Over and over, I found new ways that I could accommodate him, made list after list. I would take a walk if he does something to annoy me to calm down, I would walk away, I would say 'don't worry, it's ok', I would trust him and be patient, I would not talk about it to my friends because he said to talk to him about it instead of telling people...you list it, I've tried it. I went to AA with him almost everyday for the first few months trying to understand HIS struggles, HIS perspective, and he went to Al-Anon with me once. I told him about SR and put the computer in his view, and he didn't even look at it.

I became close with his mom, confiding in her the things I felt because I thought if she told him how much I cared, that he would see it, and stop drinking, stop ignoring me, etc. Goodness. I was insane! Ultimately, he made it very clear, he doesn't want to recover right now and NO force in the world can make him but himself.