"For someone to think that a spouse can never be a trigger to an alcoholic/addict new in recovery I find disturbing because I know better." That's the truth.
Some comments here ride over the obvious. Obviously, sobriety is a must. A conversation about triggers is a far different conversation than the cause of addiction. Addiction is a disease and again, obviously, no one can cause a metal illness in another person. Nor can they cure it. BUT by our actions we can either help support and encourage our loved ones to seek treatment and to work on sobriety or help thwart it. Hopefully, most people here see that as an obvious statement, too! What they choose to do with it our support - is up to them.
That is what enabling does, it thwarts someones recovery. Enabling comes in many different forms. We too, have a choice to take a healthy responsibly for our own actions.
I agree, there is difference between someone seriously working on sobriety or someone paying lip service. We can't control anyone. So, work on ourselves to be the best we can be. To not become an angry, bitter person, rather someone who can encourage the best in ourselves and those around us. We lose nothing by working on that regardless of the outcome.