hi alli, snap, been there done that, got the t shirt.!!!
i drank because i liked it and then i binged when i found hubby had emotional attachment with a woman at work. my trust is destroyed. i drank to cover the hurt, to make me feel strong, able to cope etc etc. what i did was in fact make myself sick, miserable, irresponsible etc because of HIS actions. i ended up being the baddy not the victim. my first attempt at stopping to drink was just over a yr ago. i decided two things a) i wasnt going to let his behaviour make me into a bad person or do bad things to myself, friends and family b) if i was drunk i couldnt see what he was up to (haha - ironic laugh) well the first time i lasted 71 days, then i went to a work conferene and thought "one wont hurt". it did, it has taken me until now to get back to a point of being strong enough to start over.
i am at day 14 and with sober eyes again i do question our relationship - BUT i will not let my fears etc cause me to drink again. i need those sober eyes.
and as anna said so beautifully, take the time to get sober for you, then look at you and learn to like you, then you know what you can offer to another, be it this man or any other.
it is a tough journey my friend, like the others here, i know that, but it is worth it. i promise!!
hugs
kath