I think we try to control our AH's as a means to building our own self esteem.
I think about it this way:
"If I help you to _________, and it succeeds, you should be grateful to me that I could help you".
I hope this makes sense, but I believe that helps to satisfy our needs and we "think" erroneously that it is building our self esteem, which it is not, because the A then throws it back in our faces in a negative way.