Welcome needtostop!
Oh yeah we all know how you feel and that does not make it better for you right now, but I could not stop and was drinking all day every day 30 plus units a day from my morning coffee with shots to stop my shaking to passing out at night and starting all over again the next day.
Here is what I did when I was desperate and wanted to not continue the slow suicide I was committing.
First I was determined to quit for good but could not even get a whole morning sober over and over. I was a mess and out of control. So I came here and lurked and read and decided I was going to have an all inclusive hail mary pass and mass rush approach to my sobriety. I was sick to death of being sick to death and failing to make any headway. I did everything that I could find as I was doing this just once. Instead of setting conditions like I can't do that because then others would know and I can't tell my Doc or family and on and on. And the other end of conditions the as long as I am not tempted or as long as I don't have any stress come up. I was willing to do whatever it took, I would have run nekkid down the street singin Sweet Home Alabama if I thought that would work.
So I signed up for an in hospital 7 day medical detox with drugs and everything making it not only safe but painless. I swore that If I could clear the toxins i would never let them back in. I started posting here and going top AA meetings and yes you can just drop in.
I joined AA and just being able to talk without covering up exactly what I was and had done with others that accepted me for what I will be, not what I had been, was simply amazing.
I also went to one on one and group counseling, and had my VA and my regular GP monitoring my blood work monthly for the first six months. My wife and two grown boys and inlaws all got dialed into what was going on and I got great support. I also read a lot of SMART online articles and several good books. I only stayed in AA for three months but got all I needed from those wonderful people. That is the great thing about them. They are good for everybody in the first few weeks to find all the local resources available. Then they are also good for medium term folks like me who go for a few months to a year. And for yet others it is a long term way of life.
Thanks to my making up my mind to never drink or smoke again, and then with the support of all of those people I made to just over two years now and am recovered.
I consider myself recovered now. BECAUSE I know I am one drink, and one smoke, away from being enslaved again. And as in all cases, in this case too, Freedom Isn't Free. It cost me my drinking, a cheap price to pay, to stop being cheap myself.
I believed that I was powerless over alcohol. However I have found that I do have power over sobriety. That is the flip side of being powerless over alcohol dontcha think? I am under the influence literally with alcohol in my system thus not sober. But I can, when sober, choose never to drink again. Ever. That isn't being powerful over alcohol, I am powerless there. But the point is moot as sober, I have the power to stay sober. AA worked for what I needed.
Like all of us, I started in despair of having the willpower, and in desperation reached out like you are doing now too. If you are desperate enough, and have had enough, you will say ENOUGH!
And whatever it takes, you will find you already had enough of it, the whole time.