needtostopnow

Where do I start? I have a great job, a wonderful, understanding and loving wife, and three beautiful, innocent children. My drinking is to the point today where I feel I could lose all of these things in my life. I feel so guilty, anxious, sad, scared, etc. etc.
My drinking has a very predictable pattern: I have some wild night - go out with friends and stay out all night, black out, have my wife worried about me and appropriately angry, I wake up the next morning hating myself, wondering what terrible things I did the night before that I should be embarrassed about or (most terrifying) that could damage my relationship with my family or my job. I end up calling people I was with and trying to delicately question what I did, where did we go, etc. to try and get comfortable that I didn't do anything TOO stupid. I vow that this is the time it has to stop, that I'm just pressing my luck, that eventually something is going to happen that causes irrepareable damage. I stop for a while, slowly start again, think I have things under control, and then it could be weeks, months, a year plus, and the same thing happens again.
This most recently happened this week where I was out with work associates, have no idea how the night wrapped up, only that I thankfully got put in a cab to get me home. I'm now where I've found myself too many times - mind racing as to what I could have done, finding ways to convince myself that maybe it wasn't that bad, apologizing to my wife, and feeling incredibly guilty when I hug my kids, who are too young to know any better. And saying this time it has to stop.
I've seen a few therapists about this over the years, but this is the first time I've gone straight to an addiction / recovery spot. I hope this means I've finally come to grips that it has to end here and that I need help.
There are so many things that I am terrified of - right now terrified of any consequences that could arise from my binge the other night - but ultimately knowing that I can't drink anymore it is how my friends and family are going to view me, how it is going to burden my wife having to be the one at the party whose husband doesn't drink, her having to explain to people why I don't, me having to explain to business associates and friends why I turn down beers on the golf course or wine at dinner. It's strange that I think its these situations that are going to be the most difficult, when I know what I'm feeling now is so much more unsettling.
Any thoughts about my situation, shared experiences, etc. would be EXTREMELY HELPFUL right now. I also need to know where to start - can I just pop into an AA meeting and begin to try to figure this out? Any ideas about coping with guilt and anxiety about what you've done / may have done?
Thanks in advance. I hope that the fact that I am now saying I NEED HELP, not in the general sense that I took a stab at with therapists before, but specifically to stop drinking, means that it is for real this time.