In the past I have always tried to stop him from going out with his one buddy, I think mainly because his buddy is still single... and I think his last girlfriend was 21, he is a coke addict and an alcoholic.......he still thinks he is 18......that bothers me......I know that I cant tell him who to hang out with........but I try......(I am going to stop that) i am sure almost everyone here can relate..........on how hard it is to say go ahead honey go...have fun.....(when you know what is probably going to happen)
but that boils down to self esteem issues with myself...not pretty enough, not good enough, not young enough...not care free enough......I am a very serious person.....most of the time......my fun is alot different.....then someone else's fun.......I enjoy going to my kids games and practices.......I enjoy taking my kids to the cider mill.....and out to eat...I enjoy going up north......I like going camping......and jet skiing and boating......and snow sledding......and hiking.......I get enjoyment out of doing things.......not sitting around a kitchen table drinking with neighbors and talking about other people......I think theyre boring......
My husband is a joker.......laugh of the party......everyone loves to hear him......and he cracks everyone up.....Everyone up but me.......he gets his kicks and laughs by putting other people down.....and no one gets offended but me.....When he talks about someone and I am with him.....I'll try to give him a look.......like please stop that ......or I will verbally say to him......do you have to say that.......to me its sick that him and so many other people get a kick out of making fun of other people that are suppose to be friends.....
I do feel like the odd one alot because everyone else thinks its great......
I am going to take advice.........advice just to shut my mouth....next time he makes plans..even if I have to beat myself up and put a muzzle on my mouth..........sounds drastic.......but if thats what takes.......I see that I have to let him go......and the mistakes he makes are his own mistakes......
Will I tolerate cheating again...........................NO
Will I tolerate Physical abuse again............. NO
As far as seeing a therapist.......I cant right now.......I used up all my visits for marriage counseling which was a waste of time.........YUP, MY TIME..............because of course I wanted marriage counseling.......and it was in my name.......so my husband has 20 visits that his insurance will cover........for him......erggggggggggg........so I am going to wait until January and find an individual counselor.......and figure out why my self esteem is so bad......and figure out how to fix it.....Standing in the mirror telling myself that I am beautiful.........just doesnt work for me.........for some reason I need to hear it from someone else.......