Thank you for all the support. I really appreciate it. I really feel like I'm in the twilight zone with all this. Yesterday I started 90 in 90. Part of me is afraid I'm going to fail. And part of me is saying I don't need this in spite of what happened, still. And still another part is saying "you don't deserve this" meaning deserve to have the support of everyone here and in the meetings, because I'm still hearing a voice that tells me it's not over yet, I don't have to stop. While I know I have to. It's insane. It's scary.
I don't have a desire to actually drink. But my addictive "me" is really screwing with my head, feeling mixed feelings throughout the day that keep changing. It's like being possessed.