backbeat

The magnitude of my alcohol problem is really coming to light, I just had my first bad review at my job after 15 years of "overachiever" status. I was sober 9 of those years, taught myself my job and earned 5 promotions. The past few years (since I picked up again) were a downward slide, this year being worse than ever, all because of my drinking. I was told that the latest promotion I had requested to be considered for, was completely out of the question because I "clearly have some personal issues that need to be tended to". I was told I was in dire need of "repairing others' perceptions of me" because I'm no longer even meeting my current job description let alone moving forward.

I knew this was coming on some level, but having it arrive is another matter. I left work all laughter and bravado (for some insane reason), and when I was alone in my car I just burst into tears. Then I went to a meeting.

Thank God of course, that I still have a job to worry about. But Jesus Christ this is a bitter pill to swallow. I'm home wishing there was another meeting to go to but it's too late, nothing's happening so I'm here. My job has always been my foundation... nobody else is going to put a roof over my head and pay the bills, and it's been my source of self esteem for 15 years. I feel like I'm in the twilight zone. This could all be so much worse i know.

Dee74

I'm sorry...but I bet your next review will be much much better backbeat

D

Delilah1

Sorry about your review, I am sure your colleagues and supervisors will notice positive changes.

Mizzuno

Sorry for the review. You will turn this around. Keep on keepin on friend.

backbeat

Thanks for the support.

Black

Hope things will get better for you backbeat, you have made a good start already. good luck

escapist

Oh I am sorry. I have been sober for 4 days. I woke up this morning early (it's 5 am) While I was standing in my kitchen thanking God for being sober I thought about my job. My first thought was,"Things will be better now" My second was," Just because I stopped drinking does'nt mean everything is going to be magically easy" I realized that I am thinking like a child. If I am good Santa will give me that present I want. You don't sound like that. I am really immature about some things.
You still have your job. That is good. They must want you around so you have'nt completely blown it. You can get your reputation back. I hope someone tells me this if this happens to me. I have been buzzed while talking to my clients. I wake up the next day I wonder if they could tell.

YVRguy

Hmm I have had a similar situation and I guess its was a lesson for me in humility and in my case due to some humiliation. I guess its true "Better to find humility before humiliation finds you" which I didn't understand till these kinds of major things took place in my life.

Your next review will be better with sobriety. I lived a lot through my work in the past but I don't so much any more but that's me. I like to do well at most things I do including my employment buts its actually not the most important thing in my life these days. Whether I had a good review or bad , I never felt a work place ever gave an unbiased assessment of my work so never was a real benchmark about how well I was doing overall. Hell I got great reviews during some very heavy drinking years and my life was a mess. So my work looked great but I was crashing into insanity otherwise.

Now I can deal with the reviews and review my whole life and how its been and place an appropriate amount of my employment in a much larger picture.

flutter

I went through something similar..I had only been sober a short time before my next review and it was far from stellar, and though I knew I had been doing a poor job, it really was a kick in the gut after how hard I had been working at the time after I got sober. My next few reviews reflected that change and I couldn't be happier. Your next one will be great!!!

Anna

Backbeat, it's really tough to deal with the messes we made in our lives while we were drinking. I totally understand how you feel. I was not only angry with myself over what I'd done, but I wanted an instant fix. And, of course, there wasn't one. I imagine you're feeling some of that right now. On the upside, you're sober and you're working on repairing your image. Stay strong!

Weasel1966

BB, what are you going to do with this very valuable piece of information?

You can use it to catapult yourself or you can use it as a anchor.

I have read your posts, heard what you have shared.

I think my money is on you catapulting yourself where you want to be!

I will be right here supporting you!

K

nonblondechef

Thank you for this sincere and honest post, backbeat. 9 months ago I was in a very similar position. Suspended. Put on final written. Ordered to mandatory counselling for alcohol issues. Huge turnover of staff. HR went to the GM and asked for me to be terminated. Fortunately that did not happen but what an eye opener all of this was to me - the steady, get it done, responsible NBC who works her a$$ off, even so booze sick there were days I thought I would crumple to the ground during the course of the day. All this occurred because I had been invited to dinner on Christmas night and after having a few glasses of wine saw that my restaurant was slammed with people and grossly understaffed so I went in and worked several hours. Bad choice but really the only thing I could have done.

Last Wednesday, just shy of 9 months sobriety, I was given a sizeable bonus and in our month end year end financial review found out that I had just completed the most successful year of any restaurant in our 3 year history. I have also been asked to take on another outlet due to open shortly. All of these accomplishments came on the heels of shame and regret.

I know that you will turn your situation around through your tenacity and sobriety. I am so pleased you shared this. Feel free to pm me at any time if there is anything I can do to help you through this experience. You can do this!! Hugs, NBC

Change4good

I understand it must have really been awful to hear that. BUT, you can only take the feedback, and move forward. And you are doing just that. . .getting healthy and moving forward. Be proud of that.

And everyone loves a comeback story. You have just begun writing yours!

serious

if you stay sober you will get better reviews (unless you just really don't care about your job, and want to move on).

i was in a very similar situation... after being sober for months, my work ethic has improved naturally, i became more attentive, responsive, conscious of time, not calling out sick, etc., etc,...

backbeat

Thank you for all the support. I really appreciate it. I really feel like I'm in the twilight zone with all this. Yesterday I started 90 in 90. Part of me is afraid I'm going to fail. And part of me is saying I don't need this in spite of what happened, still. And still another part is saying "you don't deserve this" meaning deserve to have the support of everyone here and in the meetings, because I'm still hearing a voice that tells me it's not over yet, I don't have to stop. While I know I have to. It's insane. It's scary.

I don't have a desire to actually drink. But my addictive "me" is really screwing with my head, feeling mixed feelings throughout the day that keep changing. It's like being possessed.

Dee74

I think those feelings are common, backbeat.

It's natural to feel unsure, unworthy and to have a babble of BS in our heads...at least, it was for me

I just kept reminding myself - the road I'd been on was dreadful...the least I could was try this new road - 90 days sounds like a reasonable achievable period to test recovery out

I have no doubt at all you can do this

D

Thepatman

I learned today I failed an exam for a promotion that comes rarelly in my department.
I did the exam half hung over feeling like crap.

I would usually drink and smoke my ass off over a bad news. NOT today, I will deal with my deception sober. We all can.

But I did buy me 2 Caramilks bars, they won't see tomorow! LOL!

Hevyn

I sympathize, backbeat. I did the same thing. I was highly thought of and admired where I worked. People counted on me to be stable and consistent. At the end of my drinking career, I was anything but. No one knew what to expect from one day to the next. Of course I was in a fog at the time, oblivious to how I was being judged.

I had to stop because alcohol was turning me into someone I didn't know, and couldn't trust. I rebuilt my reputation, and people eventually forgot all the bad things that happened. You can rise above this, and never go back to that dark place again.

scat143

sorry for the review. i am self employed and that feeling is always haning over my head. i wish you all the best.

FreeFall

Backbeat, so sorry you got hit with this right at the time you're trying to stop. Instead of being rewarded for good behavior, you get slapped with that. No fun at all. It sounds like it wasn't a complete surprise, maybe the issues at work are part of why you're quitting drinking?

Tomorrow will be a better day. You can repair a damaged reputation. You have lots of support here so keep sharing and venting as you need to. This too shall pass as they say. Work isn't everything. Be not so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.