Hi a Newchance,
It is good that you are seeking out advice and information as this is your only way you will get a new chance at life. I read your other posts on the newcomers forum and my comments are in response to some of things you posted on there.
If you continue on the course you surely will end up in jail, institutionalized, dead and most likely will die alone like my alcoholic father did.
I am an ACOA and that stands for adult child of an alcoholic. I have 5 siblings and all of us either got involved with alcoholics or became one ourselves. Statistically there is a 50% greater chance that your children will repeat this pattern in your own family if they continue to be raised in alcoholic home. The "voice" that keeps telling you are OK and that you can drink behind closed doors and it won't affect you or your family is the "alcoholic voice" and it will destroy you and your family if you don't learn about this disease and treat it.
Your children are depending on you to help them navigate life and the choices you make NOW may have a great impact on their childhood, adulthood and future generations. It is a family disease.
You have taken the first step. You know you have a problem. The alcoholic voice is a liar. YOu are starting to realize that.
I am going to speak for those that have no voice. Your kids. I wish my dad had asked for help. He never did and suffered and caused others to suffer his entire life.
Call AA. Please. They will help you find meetings and someone to talk to you that has walked in your steps.
Suggest to your wife that she check out some alanon meetings. Let her know about this website and messageboard.
If you both seek support and knowledge your chances of success and true, authentic recovery and a healthy marriage and happy well adjusted kids who grow up and marry normal, healthy mates will grow enormously.
Listen to the alcoholic voice and try to white knuckle your way and you will find that this disease is deadly... and it is progressive. It gets worse.
Good luck to you. Please let us know how you are doing. We care.