cr995,
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Pretty soon, you will hear "Alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages."
he was or had become somebody i was embarrassed about, disheveled, unkempt, dirty and unwashed. No matter what i said or did he stayed that way till now, and all of a sudden he is clean and paying attention to his appearance. Why could he not make that effort towards our relationship?
Because he did not want to make the effort. He is an alcoholic, he might be making an effort now, but what difference does it make now? To you, I mean.
You do not now or did you ever have control over him.
I understand how angry you are, but it is not helping you unless you use that energy to get rid of the idea that he can care. I am in recovery, the only thing he is thinking of right now is staying drunk, and having an enabler nearby.
Be prepared for when he comes back, all teary eyed, and needing you to take care of him again.
Look away from him, and start looking deep into yourself.
Be good to yourself and take it easy.
Wishing good things for you,
Beth