New, scared, determined and still drinking
Yesterday, I told my counselor how much I drank, and she kindly and directly told me I was an alcoholic. I already knew this. She said we couldn't go on with any other issues until we had tackled this one. So, I told my husband of my talk, and my decisions, made an appt. to see my Dr. on Friday, did research on-line, and found this site. I'm a nurse, and also a researcher, so of course I go (obsessively) searching for resources. I found a list of local AA mtgs. THAT's scarier than anything!! To go public!! In my family, you're either an alcoholic, or you've married one (that's a multi-generation family joke)... So, the shame of being like my father, or facing another professional at a mtg (I have visions of this being spread around) is what scares me about mtgs. I know, that's why they're there-but what if they tell people they saw me??
So, last night, I took 2 sleeping pills instead of one, had only 2 glasses of wine. I'm scared of withdrawal symptoms, getting sick, etc. I have 2 teenage daughters, and need to be "present". Plus, next week my husband and I are going away for anniversary, and we ALWAYS bring and buy and drink when on vacation (not like it's different than any other day LOL).
Anyone have any wise words? My hands are shaking as I write this-more from anxiety, I think...