I understand you completely. I have obsessive thoughts as well. My H went out last night, too. I "let" him. We sometimes go to our friend's house to watch Monday night football. She invites several people over to have dinner, drink, etc. Well, I didn't want to go. It's hard b/c we have a 2 year old. Can't really relax and socialize too well. Anyways, I told him he could go without me, and he jumped on it. He said he'd go for a while, just kinda stop by. Well, he didn't return until 1:00am. I was freaking out.
I think you know the rest of the story. I don't trust him and wonder what was going on when I'm not there. He's broken my trust so many times and lies to me all the time....reading your post, I can understand what you're feeling. I feel like a crazy person sometimes...Like I've turned into someone I'm not. I used to be easy going and didn't think twice about anything. That's all changed now.
I used to think couples needed not to go out separately, but it can be a good thing. We've smothered each other, and it's been unhealthy to our relationship. I know it's a good thing to have alone time, but what I do alone with friends doesn't necessarily involve alcohol and definitely not drugs. He gets drunk and smokes pot with his buddies.
Sorry to go off like that. I'm new here and I just want to get it all out. I understand your feelings. It's good to hear others who are going through the same thing. Thanks!!