Evening Rose-- yes, all those things listed I guess I consider a punishment. Though I did move across the country over 3 years ago to get away from the situation. Clearly I struggle with not letting it get to me no matter how near or far.
renegayd--I feel your sentiments and thanks for responding. Im 3500 miles away but will still compulsively call the house if I can when my mom should be home and she isnt. I know it means shes drinking.
I'm going to go back to al anon and make it a priority. My dad is out of the house and in a hotel for the time being, I feel badly I can't be next to him to support him. Running away from her also means being away from him. I'm very lucky that I have always had his support and love and parenting though he may be an enabler (it's not denial that he is, I just hate the negative connotation of that word).