krlava

Hi. I just found this forum and it seems like there are some great resources here. My husband has been struggling with addiction to alcohol and marijuana. It's taken a huge toll on our relationship. We have a 3 year history that's a VERY long story. To sum it up, we've been through just about everything. We got together in college where drinking and smoking wasn't a huge deal. For me, it was a phase that just about every college student goes through. Well, I got pregnant and decided to go through with it. We talked about it, and I thought it was time to grow up and be responsible. Well, that hasn't happened fo rmy DH. He continued to drink while I was PG, alone, which was so odd to me. I thought it was stress from the changes going on, so I tried to roll with it.
Well, it never stopped. It got worse. I just dismissed it and tried to get over it. We'd fight over it, and he'd make me feel bad for getting upset. He made me feel like I was the bad person. There was nothing I could do.
This is such a long story, so I'll try to summarize. Basically, we fight about it, he hides his drinking sometimes and hides the marijuana all the time. I have no trust in him and constantly wonder what he's doing when I'm not around. He's been abusive and been to counseling, and tried to quit drinking, but nothing has worked. I also drink, which makes me feel like a hypocrite, which I guess I am. I like to have a few SOCIAL drinks on occasions, but it doesn't interfere with my life. My husband would stay up until 5:00 am drinking alone, then smoke a joint. He's failed out of many of his classes, and lost a job.
Anyways, I'm going to counseling about it. I've thought about leaving, but want to make sure first. I love him and he loves me and is good to me in every other way. I'm learning to not let him drag me down, and empowering myself through letting go. I acknowledge I can't change him, and can't wear myself out any longer.
Sorry this is so long, there's so much I want to say, but would take forever.

I'm really confused and sad. I'm exhausted from dealing with this for over 3 years. I'm just looking for an outlet because I don't have anyone else really to talk to about this. I plan on going to some Al Anon meetings.

Thanks for listening to me ramble!!!