Originally Posted by
Roguey 
When she is not drinking, she is a lovely woman
My dad can be great. But the balance finally weighed too heavily on the negatives I was putting up with when he wasn't. It was affecting my ability to be a good parent, to stand up for myself in my marriage, my mental health. I had to draw the line for many reasons.
I know punishing an alcoholic does nothing, but for my own sake I don't know how much longer I can pretend everything is great when she is sober, particularly because it's only a matter of time before shes wasted and going nuts again.
What do you regard as punishing her? Stepping away from her? Spending less time with her? Telling her there's a problem with her behavior?
If you intend any of these (or anything else) as punishment, it's true it will not change her behavior. I have cut ties entirely with my family with no intent to punish and no expectation that they will change. I did it for my own protection and mental health, to try to stop the behaviors and ugliness in my generation, to prevent my kids growing up seeing that my family's complete disrespect and criticism of me was the appropriate way to treat me.
You need to choose your actions for your well-being and future, not with any attempt to change or control her.