To me this is "pushing buttons" behavior. He knows it annoys you and does it anyway and that's what he wants! I don't know if this could be solely attributed to just alcoholic behavior I have encountered it in several men who were not.
People who like to control like this generally have no control in their own lives instead try to control those around them while theirs is falling apart. I wonder if the reason you don't buck the system so to speak is that you fear retaliation? Perhaps if you decide to make a decision without consulting him he will then do something to you aggregious - so in a way this is also how you keep things 'peaceful" in the house?
I have dealt with this a little bit in my current relationship - and mama don't play that game. Best way to deal with a Bully is punch them right in the face. There is no arguing over things or decisions I can make myself or I had to make because there wasn't time to consult or he was unavailable. I do not participate in these arguments my favorite response being "get over it" or "you should have picked a puppet for a mate if you need to control every decision in someone's life". While being controlling he doesn't want to be classified as such. Its weird. And he doesn't do it anymore.
Good luck to you dear, your story made me queasy - you aren't crazy. You deserve better.