well as a son of a dysfunctional mother, i saw how much she suffered at the hands of my alco father but it was just history repating as my mums father was abusive to her too. and i have nearly done the same thing being attracted to alcoholics myself!!
she was with him for 20 years and i admired the strength and saw her as a saint and focused on making sure she was happy but i forgot myself there. i only realised in recovery that she was HUMAN and then i loved her more because i saw her humanity and imperfections (god forbid) and lloved her because she tried her best to do what she could for us even at the price of her own happiness. Yes it did teach me to sacrifice my own happiness for others but thats changing slowly and ive learnt to respect myself and just not put up with some ****
i sometimes wonder if she feels guilty but its not my cross to bear, just have to visualise it as healed release it to god and have faith that my Higher power will pull me through. im letting go now even though i think she let go of my dad a long time ago