Your in the right place and should not be embarresed as all of us have felt some of these same things.
In the very beginning it was important for me to take it one day at a time, I still do. Back then it was more minute by minute. When I figured out I could quit drinking for 24 hours, that was a game changer for me. I didn't think I'd make a week. 9 months later I have a life I never would have imagined.
Keep posting, keep reading and quit beating yourself up. As someone told me early in recovery....You are a gift
xoxoxo
