BobbyJ

I have dealt with anger from day one, matter of fact, for years over his drinking!

A few months ago, he showed up on the back door. I thought I had did my amends and moved on...
Oh! Boy, was I wrong!
A few day's after he left, he called me and wanted me to tell him, it's over
he need's closure. From that phone call & visit - I got BITTERNESS!
Never dealt with that one yet.
It has literally ate at my gut. Has turned me upside down.

Yesterday, I was a bawling mess. (Yes, HALT too)
I called him and told him I was sorry for being bitter
I can deal with anger, but not bitterness, it is so not me

I told him:
We can be friends, but I will NOT be talked to like crap
I told him my trust is completely gone
You left me to drink, dont forget that
And you have only been sober for 90 days....
I believe they give you, 30, 60, 90 chips for a reason
I do miss you, but can not live with you
I deal with anger, everytime something goes wrong in the house, I always
blame you, instead of being real, this crap is just old and it will break
but its so much easier to blame, not fair, but human, working my steps
Im angry I cant even move forward with other people, I have no trust left
to give anyone. I dont believe one word that comes out of a mans mouth.


I know my heart is so very tender. Im like a policeman holding up there
hand in traffic...I wont let anyone get close to me. Not even an inch!
Im angry..

Am I angry at all of it - or have I not really let go?
I "CANT" even do lunch with another man, or I freak out
That's how bad I have it!.....Grrrr
He's a safe zone for me...and so are my married friends!


He is traveling thru the state today. Was suppose to have lunch.
About 4pm, {hungry} I called him to see where he was at
Of course, he had a change of plans with his work
But, once again, I thought he would of called to give me his update
Total "BRAIN DELAY"....Hmmmm????

But in our conversation, he did open up, way more than he ever has
before. A hint of honesty was thrown at me

But yet, No amends have been made to me or the kids
(That is anger) that I deal with - But I will NOT say anything to him about it
He admited that he is lazy working his steps, even his sponsor rides his rear end over it...
"Lazy" Not a word that I deal with very good.
For I have to work my hiney off, trying to keep up with the financial mess
he left me in...(That is anger)

This has really played with my head all day.....

Any Thoughts???.......I'm open to hear it straight on.
Did not see this all coming....WTH???