My AH was released from every rehab with a very specific program. They advised 90 meetings in 90 days, an individual counselor, an AA sponsor with whom to work the steps, and being busy 8 hours a day with job or volunteering. He was able to get some sobriety under his belt, but was never able to meet these minimum expectations and relapsed again and again. We are separated today.
In the meantime, however, I used his good times to focus on myself, get out and do things I wanted to do, get myself to therapy sessions (which is saving me now during these early days of separation), and focus on getting myself together. While I'm sad today, my world isn't crumbling, and it's because I took that time for myself.
Whatever anyone else says, our challenge is to make sure that we are capable of happiness regardless of what anyone else does or doesn't do. We can't depend completely on others for our livelihoods. That might mean finding a way to be financially independent, or to develop hobbies and interests independent of our SOs, or to have outlets away from the drama. It means a lot of different things. I'm honestly much more happy with him not living here. Before I was always anticipating the next crisis. Now I'm just living my life, and the only people I'm responsible for are myself and my children.