I've had a pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men. My deceased AH was the "first" (and last!) person with addiction issues. For me, it all stemmed from my childhood and how really, my dad was just not "there" emotionally for me... ever. I have gotten some great counselling under my belt and am at the place where I no longer blame him (or my mum) for how I turned out. It's my choices that have gotten me to where I am today and I believe if we just stop and really pay attention, we can do what needs to be done to make our lives saner and happy.
You had said "I know nobody can make a decision for me and I always heard that people will generally wait a year for an addict to prove their soberity to the people they love. Does anyone ever have a AGF/ABF that will actually say "screw it, I'm not waiting a year for you to take me back" I know I sure do, very impatient and thinks they are always magically cured of their addictions and things should go back to normal after about 3 days."
This was a continual cycle with Chris and me - after 20+ times of him "expecting" me to just forget and move on after some huge incident (him disappearing for a few days, selling our stuff, verbally abusive, major temper tantrums etc) I finally had enough and told him he had to be sober and clean for at least a year before I would consider being with him again. I stuck to my decision and he absolutely hated it (and me)... I wouldn't change my mind and unfortunately, he gave up all hope for himself and died of an accidental overdose.
My boundary was never to accept that kind of behaviour in my life anymore. Regardless of Chris getting better or not, this was something I promised myself I would never allow to happen again. If Chris had gotten better, then that would have been a bonus... but
I had to make this choice for myself alone.
Hugs to you