Thirteen long years after I had completed rehab for my alcoholism/addictions, I finally hit a bottom in my codependency in regard to relationships with men.
The one common denominator in all those relationships was me. Before I started seeing it for what it was, I was convinced I was just unlucky in love.
One of my old sponsors told me that it wasn't nearly as important to answer "why" in situations, but rather to ask "what can I do about it now?" Figuring out the why was something I drove myself nuts with early in recovery because I was the great analyst.
When my ex-fiance of 15 months walked out in July 1999, that was when I made the firm commitment to have no men in my life as far as dating or relationships until I had made a lot of progress in my own codependency recovery, and to begin repairing my own "broken-ness" inside.
Alanon was/is a tremendous resource. Therapy has been beneficial. Two books that made a huge impact on me are "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie, and "Women Who Love Too Much" by Robin Norwood.
Sending you hugs on the Kansas winds!
