SoLongFarewell

Hi friends,

I posted on here a little over a month ago -- I saw things were progressing with my current ABF so I decided to see if things would calm down. Well they were initially until the drinking started getting heavier.

I went out to a birthday party for my friend on Friday night and he was supposed to come pick me up around 12:30ish or so and he didn't show up. I called about 10x and he kept saying he would be there in 15 minutes/10 minutes etc. but he NEVER SHOWED UP! Oops, looks like he had a few too many drinks to actually come pick me up. Oh yes, he was attempting to drive my car around drunk. I got home with the help of my friends but I couldn't believe he would be that irresponsible...again!

I honestly have no idea what he was doing or WHO he was with (I knew he went to visit some people beforehand). I was so livid with him, I depended on HIM to stay sober just so I could have a night out and I can't. Why? Because he always has to drink. He can never be a DD, and god forbid I ever go out with friends because he's always stirring up crazy whenever I'm not around. I'm always the babysitter.

Out of curiosity, I checked his phone and he wrote a message to the same dealer (who sold my ABF "speed") that he had "20 bucks for a line" that same night. I confronted him early this morning about it and he gave me crap for checking his phone and said that he intentionally wrote that to see if I would check (because obviously if I see he's still talking to a dealer that he never cut off, I'm going to be angry).

Now I get that checking phones isn't a good idea, but I really felt that I was being lied to about Friday night. So I left, I had to go to work (again) with a fake smile on my face and make it through the day and enjoy Thanksgiving with my family afterwards. All while he's sitting at home and pounding beers back (as usual).

So guys, I'm at a loss. I'm really tired of this bullsh*t. I know we all are. Sometimes I feel ashamed for even bringing this up because I know a lot of people are like "What were you thinking returning to that jerk?" All my friends and family hate him, and I don't blame them. I used to stick up for him, shrugged off his irrational behavior, KEEP GOING BACK TO HIM for crying out loud! But I'm not strong anymore. I feel like my entire confidence and self-esteem has been ripped apart.

I know nobody can make a decision for me and I always heard that people will generally wait a year for an addict to prove their soberity to the people they love. Does anyone ever have a AGF/ABF that will actually say "screw it, I'm not waiting a year for you to take me back"
I know I sure do, very impatient and thinks they are always magically cured of their addictions and things should go back to normal after about 3 days.

A part of me says I should just let some other woman deal with him (because I highly suspect he will probably get together with another girl, because whenever I leave, he always says I'm screwing around with other guys and since they have that mentality "IF they're doing it; I'm doing it" so what's to stop him) and maybe I can maybe live a stress-free life again?

Why is it so hard to walk away?

And another note I'd like to ask about...my past boyfriends before him were addicts/alcoholics/emotional issue types. I never dated these people very long (I was never in love with them, so it was easier to walk away) but as soon as the issues starting arising with my current ABF, I was wondering if I just had poor selection in my choice of men over the past few years.

I saw a lot of people's replies that we initially attract these types of people in our lives. But how? I just really want to know how we do it? Do we come off as needy or lonely? Addicts just don't show their true colors to us right away, otherwise none of us would be here if they did. Is this strictly a personality problem that only a counselor can tell us about and help us fix? I'm just really curious because I don't really see how we do this. Is it the same reason why we keep giving them about hundreds of chances to change themselves?