25 Yr old Son Died 5 weeks ago
My 25 year old son died 5 weeks ago from "complications due to heroin use", in other words he OD'd. But I am telling everyone he died of cardiac arrest, technically his heart stopped and then he stopped breathing so its not really a lie. We had him on life support for 8 days and had to make the painful decision to "un-plug" him. I didn't even know he was using herion. He had a great job and was doing so well based on all outward signs and appearances.
I cannot describe the pain, anguish, guilt and other emotions that have overwhelmed me. I can't stop drinking. I have to numb the pain but it always comes back. I don't want to drink myself to death or ruin my relationship with my husband (not my son's father) but I can't stop. I know my other son and my granddaughter need me but I really don't care.
Every morning when I wake up I tell myself I won't drink today. But by early afternoon I start drinking and I drink till midnight or later and watch old home videos of my son.
Ugh....I don't know what to do or what will become of me now.........