I can't tell you how much all of your words are helping me. I know I have become self-obsessed, and making this more about me. I am realizing that now. Either way, your words are bringing tears to my eyes.
These are tough words to hear, but I know that I need to hear them. It's even harder putting them into action, but I know that it needs to be done. Today has been easier than yesterday so far, and it's because I've been on this forum constantly, so thank you so much.
EnglishGarden, your reply was so true, inspiring, and gave me focus. I truly didn't know what I was getting into. Thank you for reading my story and first post. It is amazing how fast you grasped the circumstances and knew exactly what was going on. You made a comment, "The romantic affair was a high you both shared for 5 months. It could not possibly be sustained. He has never been sober." I cried when I read this. Someone else along the way forewarned me that he may be replacing drugs with me. I never knew what that meant until now. I can see more clearly now what exactly is happening, both for him and for me, and I can't thank you enough.
Ann- "Let go or get dragged." I think I officially have my mantra. Thank you so much.
DollyDo- Thank you for your words. I have one question though- what does that mean to love him from afar? Am I able to see him, talk to him, date him, what? I don't know what the best thing would be to do there.
Titanic- I know he can go to all of these places, but the sad, sad, reality is that he will choose to stay in a tent. A normally beautiful, well dressed, well spoken and intelligent man living in a tent. It is so sad to see him deteriorate to that.
Lovemenot- Your compassion brings tears to my eyes. Thank you so much for being here for me and reminding me to pray. Last night I prayed that God either fight the demons that he is fighting right now for him, or help him find the strength to fight them himself.
Today is the second morning that I didn't wake up next to him. It truthfully does hurt, but today I woke up a little easier. My perception is wider. I hope that the thought "putting things on hold for a year" will be easier to accept with each passing day. I care about him, and I want him to be happy. I care about myself too. So if this is what needs to be done, then so be it.
But for now, SR, could you please guide me through this? I really am new at this. Normally I would call around, be in a panic, try to find him. Today I am proud that I didn't even pick up the phone yesterday when an unknown caller came through. I'm really trying to get out of the way and let him fall. What do I do today? How long do binges last normally? The other relapses lasted 2 days, but they were also expedited with cops. That made me cringe just saying that.