Please don't be discouraged and no you didn't waste anyone's time. Coming on here and asking people questions is the right thing to do. I can relate to your confusion about not knowing if you are an alcoholic or not. I can also understand your apprehension in wanting to admit it if you are. It took me a very long time to admit to myself that I had a problem. It took me even longer to accept that I could ask someone for help if I needed it. When I did ask for help it wasn't always apparent to others close to me. I too felt like no one cared about my well being. Now today I see that they did care, they just didn't know how to deal with my alcoholism. I needed help beyond them from others that were going through the same thing as me. I believe that if they aren't putting you in treatment it means that they have faith in you that you can make that decision when you are ready. It certainly doesn't mean they don't care. You can't control anyone but yourself. You hold the cards.In my experience It also took a while to accept that I hurt others. All of these things you are confused about seem pretty normal to me. By being here you are on the right track and eventually it will all make sense to you one step at a time. Please keep coming back and know that regardless of what you don't understand we are here to listen and help.